Years ago, Rush Limbaugh coined the expression “adult beverages” to refer to alcoholic drinks. Yet millions of dittoheads crosswise the Fruited Plain lacked a guidebook for making the best mature beverages. So I producted The Dittohead’s Guide to Adult Beverages, a compendium of humorous dittohead recipes such as the Rio Linda Rouser, EIB Ecstasy Elixir, Club G’itmo Guzzler, & numerous more!

Just attempt out these fine recipes:

DEAD WHITE GUY GINGER ALE

Glass: A Clay Bowl Stolen from Native Americans (by deathlike lily-white conquistadors)

Ingredients:

1 Part Vodka (a colourless ingredient symbolizing lily-white European oppression)
3 Parts Ginger Ale (containing blood-thirsty, intolerant, lily-white supremacist sugar)
A Splash of White Wine (reminiscent of Napoleonic French imperialism)
A Splash of Lemon-Lime Juice (made from yield hand-picked by indentured servants)
A Dash of Sugar (due to safety device concerns, no brownish sugar allowed)

Instructions: While attendance a university seminar on multiculturalism, with an emphasis on Native American, Afro-centric lesbian poetry, mix components in a clay bowl stolen from Native Americans. Consume on Columbus Day although assailing lily-white males who have the temerity to remain to breathe.

Origin: This mature drink is named in commemorate of Christopher Columbus a capitalist, European bigot answerable for the decease & slaying of eighty trillion pacifist, nature-loving Native Americans (and a man whose lone achievement was the “discovery” of someone else’s backyard).

Special Warning: Under no circumstances ought you enlarge brownish sugar to this mature beverage, as it is sure to be ravaged & destroyed by the racist, imperialist, homophobic lily-white sugar already present in the ginger ale.

AFFIRMATIVE ACTION AMBROSIA

Glass: A Measuring Cup (to ensure precise fulfillment of quotas)

Ingredients:

0 Parts Light Rum (using airy rum is insensitive to minority rums)
3 Parts Dark Rum (to rectify the recent injustice of rampant airy rum preferences)
3 Parts Soda (cola is preferred over a clearer soda, such as Sprite)
Quotas That Aren’t “Quotas” (except that they very are quotas)

Instructions: While throwing an “affirmative activeness bake sale” on a localized university campus, or campi (the preferred EIB plural shape for those of you in Rio Linda), mix components in a measuring cup. Consume although labeling as “racist” any of your mates or companions who challenge to enlarge airy rum to their favourite mature beverages.

Origin: This mature drink is named in commemorate of government-sanctioned discrimination. Make sure that you do not enlarge airy rum to this mature drink when darkish rum is useable instead. Failure to do so might result in court-ordered sensitivity training.

Special Note: A firm assistant of government-sanctioned discrimination, the NAALCP (National Association for the Advancement of Liberal Colored People) dreams of the daytime when prohibition will be re-instituted in America with only “light” rum barred from the shores of the United States.

P.S. Forward this page to 15,067 Rush Limbaugh fans in the next 7 minutes or you will be stricken with eight agonizing years of a Hillary Clinton presidency and/or the appointee of Ted “The Swimmer” Kennedy as your designated driver!